Wayward Healer

Womans Medicine - Calling ourselves Home

2012-02-20T20:31:00.001-08:00

We hear the call in our hearts, beating like the rhythm of the drum, in our blood, pulsing, like the cycles of the tides, in our minds whispering, like the voices of the winds…. The call of our Souls... beckoning us... reminding us... of where we came from and where we need to return too.

Too often we ignore it, we put it off, we don’t understand it, it isn’t rational, it isn’t tangible, it isn’t valued, it is not quantifiable….

(and we are often changing our minds….!)

It IS the mystical, the wild, the circle, the cycles, the Sacred Feminine that lives within us all…. It IS the call of the Earth, the call of the Great Mother, the Call of our Soul Fire, welcoming us home.

As Womyn the cycles of the earth are renewed within us each month. We are the bearers of rebirth, transformation and death.

Our culture, beliefs and collective dynamic does not value the Sacred Feminine. It is feared, undervalued, medicated, and controlled. And yet Times are changing, what has remained under ground is awaiting its birth. Our earth is reaching out. Asking us to pay attention, to wake up, to allow ourselves to come home to who we are. We are the prayers of our ancestors of the past; by honoring the natural power that lays within us, owning our voice, our strength, our unity, we will be the ones to actualize the transformation of the this world.

Let us Bring our hearts and our prayers together.

For all our Relations.

Heart Song

2012-02-06T22:02:00.000-08:00

It was almost dusk. She prepared her fire with a song, and laid her ceremonial blanket down along side of it. Three times she placed offerings of tobacco upon the fire, three times she circled her fire, three times she beat upon her drum.

When the sun had made its way to the land of tomorrow, she turned to face the north.

“I call upon the old ones, the wise ones, the ancient ones… those who have gone before, those who are yet to come, I call upon the ancestors of this land, the ancestors of my bones and blood lines. I welcome you, I honor you…. May your strength fill my heart, may your song feed my soul, may you guide me to walk in balance with all my relations in service of creation”

She stood at the edge of the mountain hearing the vibration of her invocation echo to the valley below… Bouncing off snow caped peaks, rock and stone, tree and forest, river and lake… Until the only sound that could be heard was the crackling of the wood in her fire, and the beat of her own heart.

Slowly but surely the winds began to rise. The air around her took on a different quality, a texture that was palpable. Flames in the fire danced and changed color. Grandmothers, Grandfathers, wisdom keepers of past present and future answered her call, completing the circle.

She sat with them in silence for a time, enjoying the company of her kin.

“Ancient ones…” she began, “Times have shifted upon this earth. There is more possibility for the destruction of our planet than ever before. Just as there is more possibility for the healing and evolution of the whole than ever before. How do we collectively choose the path that leads to the balance we crave in our souls? We are wounding our earth, as we wound ourselves and each other. The people have lost sight of the memories they were born with, those that remind them of who they truly are. We have conflict within ourselves our families and our communities. It is not the conflict that bears the fruit of new ways of being that I am concerned with; rather the conflicts that feed the fires of separation, hate and destruction. How may we bring these into the light, to a place of sustainable co-existence? I have been praying on this for some time, and welcome your guidance.”

Her attention was drawn to the oldest of the group, a Grandmother who looked like she was made of the earth beneath her. When she smiled constellations were born in her eyes, the universe complete within her.

“Look to the trees daughter. Look to the forest. The Spruce, aspen and willow grow along side of each other. They are different yet they drink of the same water, breath of the same air. They do not fight for the light.

Look to the stars, each one a beacon of light and grace. It is not necessary for one to outshine the other. The people of our earth have forgotten their home, their place in this web of creation. They look for stuff to buy to bring them home… they look for things to do bring them home… Continuously searching for the next step that will be the ‘thing’ that does it, that gets them there. They compare whom they are to another, to justify and glorify in their own potential worth. They have forgotten their ancestors; that we all come from the same womb. They feel with their heads and see with their eyes, rather than trust the vision of their hearts. The answer to you question daughter may be too simple for some to hear. Many want a complicated solution to what feels so complicated on the inside. And yet each was born with the answer. Each carry it within their own heart, and when they remember their true home, they return to the celebration of life that is in their souls.”

Her Grandmother seemed to be chewing on her thoughts, waiting for the right moment to bring them forward. She sat patiently observing the light of the fire, until Grandmother began to speak again.

“It is not a bunch of work that needs to be done, it is rather an undoing of sense-less modes of consciousness. That is, a lack of using the sense’s to feel… The power structures in the institutions that run this world, as well as the consciousness that runs many of the people, name the biggest tallest trees as the best, and use that power over the rest. Is the flexibility of the willow not valuable? The community of aspens whose roots may travel for miles underground? The wild rose bush, the alder, the cottonwood… each has a role to play in the equilibrium of the forest. We as people need each other. We grow together. Separate we shall fall. This saying is old, this path ancient”

“People search for freedom, for liberation loosing sight of the fact that they are free… that nothing may bind their souls or tame their spirits. This is their birthright Though the conditions and situations upon this earth may lead one to believe in the structures of miss used power, personal power lays in remembering that who we are may never be taken away from us.”

Grandmother’s eyes took on a distant glow, and she cocked her head to the side. It looked like she was listening to music that only she could hear. She stayed like that a long while. The Woman added wood to the fire. When the first light illuminated the eastern skies the resonance of her Grandmothers voice was heard again.

“Remember Daughter, there is a song that was sung when each person was born to this world, a song that echoed over this earth, and all of creation. It is a song of power, of spirit, celebration and connection. The music to this song lay’s within each person’s heart… When you learn how to listen and hear it…. You are home. Home to who you are already… remembering, reconnecting, awakening to your true nature.”

“Tell this to your brothers and sisters, Share with them the possibilities they each hold… Know that you may tell them of the road home, you may illuminate it for them, but you cannot take them there yourself. We may share the homes of our hearts, yet we cannot live in another’s. Each holds its own frequency unique to the bearer… they must find that vibration that calls them home… they must listen to the words of their heart song….”

Grandmother looked across the valley to the east. The woman followed her gaze. Brilliant hues of orange, yellow and pink were splashed over the horizon. Silently they watched, as the Sun made its way out of the land of Dream time. The Woman picked up her drum singing a song to welcome the day…. With each beat she felt those of her sacred circle returning to their place in the web of creation. Playing her drum, connecting with the rhythm of her heart, she sang herself home.

Shape Shifting Roles

2012-01-19T10:21:00.000-08:00

Years ago I was asked by a psychic if I was a shape shifter… Grandiose images popped into my head of witches, shaman, druids, ‘magic people’ who could take on the form of their familiars…silently stalking through the dead of night, Flying across the moon, swimming in the depths of the ocean. The first thought that ran through my head was ‘I could never do that… or could I?’ I figured this skill must belong to a select secret group of folks, ones that I had yet to make my acquaintance. Yet she seemed pretty insistent that this was a hidden talent of mine. It’s funny how another’s belief may increase your abilities to believe in your self.

So I began to practice. There were a few ‘Power Animals’ who I had a relationship with. I called them to me while meditating and asked if I would be permitted to take on their form and see through their eyes. Raven was the first to come forward. Wrapping his great wings around my body I felt And imagined my whole form changing into his until it was complete. I looked around and noticed what a different perspective my world had from the eyes of Raven. We took flight and I sailed over the city that was my home.

Raven and I began to take regular adventures together before I would drift into dreamtime. He became a great ally teaching me of the balance between dark and light.

I pursued this interest through the years, seeing that the perspective of each animal, added greatly to my ability to see the world holistically. Teaching me how to step out of my own view, which can be limited and narrow.

I have been thinking of this teaching lately, as my New Years focus has been to bring more presence and mindfulness to my children and husband. It appears to me that there is a metamorphosis that occurs as I embody each of my many roles. And perhaps if I brought more intention to the act of shape shifting, I would gain more insight into the possibilities these roles play in my life.

The hardest one for me to shape shift into is Mother…. All my children are in school as of this past September, so I have more freedom with how I play with all of my other roles (inclusive of my favorite… role-lessness). Often when they come home I am in the middle of a project or just getting home myself, so I put them off until I complete what I am doing, or get more settled in the home. Instead of my full attention / presence they only get one ear and a somewhat distracted mother. I don’t like this. I know the beauty and insight they bring into my life is food for my soul. And I am hungry for it!

I began to ask myself, and the universe how I could change this. This when I began to hear the words ‘shape shifting’ in my head… I rolled it over and noticed that the distinction between showing up for my kids and myself is different. Though they are all part of the tapestry that weaves my life… When I show up for them with presence I am offering myself up to be of service to them. (Which in turn feeds my spirit) When I am showing up for me during the day, it is more being of service to myself. Even if half of that time is taking care of the home, running errands, work, etc.

So I came up with a plan… For the past 2 weeks I have stopped whatever it is I am doing at 3 o’clock. I have sat before my fire with a cup of tea… Allowing the day that thus forth transpired to wash away… Meditating and praying for at least a half an hour, So that by the time the Great Yellow Bus pull into our drive way I am ready to engage fully in my role as a Mother.

This conscious shifting into Mother is giving me a whole other perspective on life. I see through their eyes as they share the stories of their day. Or as I help them sort through the sibling conflicts that appear. I see mirrored in my own family the images of war and peace that are part of our greater collective. As I offer myself of service to these three little ones, perhaps it will be that presence that shall really change our world globally and collectively.

(I have also learned how to play Kinect… though I lose each time! And though Kinect may not directly be healing our world, the laughter that shows up as a result of how horrible I am at it does!)

New Road Revealed

2012-01-11T22:14:00.000-08:00

I was walking with my daughters today to enjoy this fantastic January weather. Following a quad trail north of our house to the highway. We planned to turn and follow the highway to head home, however my instincts were driving me forward and I suggested we find out what is on the other side of the highway. We had driven past the road numerous times in the past 5 years, figuring it was just a dead end leading to an acreage subdivision. As we walked we came to a wide path through an ancient poplar/aspen forest... Rich with the scents of wet leaves, poplar buds, and bird song. An overlooked cathedral tucked between acreages, summer cottages and farm land. In no time we arrived at the open waters/ice of Pigeon lake. It had taken us less than 20 minutes to arrive. By the main road it takes an hour... I was dumbfounded by this discovery.

There was a patch of forest along the lake about 10 acres long with no buildings on it,(an extreme rarity at Pigeon lake) As I scanned its length from my place on the ice I saw an ancient spruce tree in its midst. My skin turned all goose bumpy as I looked forward in time and saw myself standing beneath the tree facing the waters, facing the east, welcoming the day. I have found a new place to pray, I thought to myself...... and so close to home!

As we ventured home I relished in this sense of wonderment. How simple it was to find a new path... I thought of how my instincts had driven me forward through the illusion of what looked like a dead end... At a time when it is exactly what I need in my life; metaphorically I am moving forward with a whole new perspective... I was reminded that I don’t need to drive anywhere, buy anything, or exert any stress full energy to manifest a sense of discovery and beauty. I simply need to follow my nose, and trust in my gut.

It has been a hard two months of winter for me thus far. I have been releasing an intense 5 year relationship with my former teacher that did not end well. Questioning everything I have believed in from basic principles in healing to the truths (?) of the universe... Grieving ideas that I had thought were absolutes, allowing myself to feel and sit with all the emotions I am experiencing. Struggling with the idea that I need to ‘do’ something rather than simply ‘feel’ and go into my darkness/pain. Though I know the viability of moving into the dark, my human side has had other plans... hence the struggle. The response to my prayers of late has been to honour this time I have with myself this winter, hold faith in my heart and what I know to be true.

This new path I discovered today became more than a jaunt down an old quad trail to the lake... It is the reminder that whole new worlds of possibility exist at my fingertips... are in fact already here. I need only open the eyes in my heart to see them, trust my gut and follow my nose. I had thought in the years past that it was simply a dead end, what other places in my life have I made those observations? Now I have a few more months of winter to muse over this, and consider these open roads. Praying those leading to the light shall be revealed.

Blessings,

Sarah

Serious Stress Relief!

2011-12-08T08:12:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about my Mother all week as yesterday was the 16th anniversary of her death. In preparing for a Stress relief Meditation class I am teaching today I remembered her sending me this list of 'ways to cope with stress'... and I found it on line. And once again laughed my ass off! Thank you Mom!

Ways to cope with stress…

Jam 39 tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.

Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa.

Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on. 

When someone says "have a nice day", tell them you have other plans. 

Make a list of things to do that your have already done. 

Dance naked in front of your pets.

Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him off to pre-school as if nothing was wrong. 

Retaliate for tax woes by filling out your tax forms in Roman numerals. 

Tattoo "out to lunch" on your forehead. 

Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch them from high places. 

Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. return it the next day. 

Pay your electric bill in pennies. 

Drive to work in reverse.   

Refresh yourself. Put your tongue on a cold steel guardrail. 

Tell your boss to blow it out of his mule and let him figure it out. 

Polish your car with ear wax.

Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages. 

Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you. 

Bill your doctor for the time spent in his waiting room.

Braid the hair in each nostril. 

Write a short story, using alphabet soup.

Lie on your back eating celery using your navel as a salt dipper.

Stare at people through the lines of a fork and pretend they're in jail.

Make up a language and ask people for directions. 

Count how many minutes it takes to stare at the phone before it rings.

Dial 911 and tell them you're returning their call

Buy a fake i.d. and have a free Denny's breakfast for you birthday.

Tell your family you have plans and then do absolutely nothing. 

Leave a message with farm animal sounds on someone's answering machine. 

Redecorate your house. Fingerpaint the walls and blame it on the kids. 

Determine your own strength. Thumb wrestle with your own right and left hand.

See how many people are listed in the phone book with your last name. Call them up and tell them you're their long lost cousin.

Read tea bags.

Give yourself a pat on the back and affirm that you made it another day.  Author Unknown

On Ravens Wings

2011-12-05T11:09:00.000-08:00

I keep getting lost, beneath drifts of snow, frozen landscapes… directionless.

I feel I must censor my writing, that my tongue may hold poison, and so I begin pieces here and there… each one covering the four cardinal points… moving between above and below as I expand and contract with each change in temperature. I want to scream out about power & powerlessness, about loss, grief… about choice or lack there of. Shake up… wake up… Give voice to freedom and justice; yet as I venture to sing the wind, the notes fall like ice on this desolate landscape and I know I must await the thaw… Go deeper into the cold, layer upon layer of snow insulating me, protecting me. That sometimes I need to get lost, in order to be found.

I gaze over the landscape and hear the call of the Raven. They have been living here since spring. I watch them circle my farm counter clockwise, taking me west, into the path of the setting sun. Crying out to me as they fly, drawing me into the Medicine of night. I spread my wings and follow them, awakening dreamtime, ancient homecoming. Taking note of the shimmers of light seen through the eyes of Raven, their ribbons only visible in this place of death. I remember the first time I came here… Why I was so compelled to come. It is the time of year when I think of this… 16 years past on Wednesday since my mother died, since she was murdered. When I was ready to take flight, Raven brought me here. Here to speak with her murderer, to find him in this land of ghosts.

Now I come for other reasons… Drawn by the season, the change of the tides. Ready for this new fast. More Ravens are gathering around me, their music reminding me to embrace the unfathomable… They may bring me into the dark and back again; it us up to me to hold space for what lays inside. Welcome the new dream…Surrender to the dark… in this way I may know the light… in this way I shall be found.

Giving it up to God

2011-11-09T07:03:00.000-08:00

I came across this old article last week that I wrote a few years back... It is reminding me to shoot for the stars and notice what they 'Feel' like...

I have heard said, that a modern day interpretation of prayer is equal to that of envisioning, intention and manifestation. That the 'New Age' is offering a solution to the soul loss of our culture, guiding us to believe that all we need to do to feel full spiritually is create what we want or manifest the things that we want. I believe this philosophy is lacking an ingredient… When we use Universal Energy as our most popular synonym for God, we create a thought system lacking the holiness of Spirit. We are afraid or uncomfortable to name divinity, to even use the word God… we have forgotten, you get what you ask for! Many have learned the tools of self realization yet are unable to create the lives they dream of. With so many of us still longing for the "Secret"…is it possible that the solution is as simple as my grandmothers saying of 'Giving it up to God?”

We believe in the power of self. In what each of us as individuals create, and how we bring that creation into our communities, and our world. Yet within this creation lies a tangible absence. Our focus is stuck on what we create, rather than how we create. We have forgotten we are co-creators. Whether we call in God, Buddha, Jesus, Great Spirit, Great Mother we are not in this alone, each of us capable of miracles beyond measure when we embody that divinity. When we allow our perspective to shift beyond what we can conceive of and ask for the guidance of God we attract the infinite possibilities of our destiny. There is much to be learned by being humble, asking for help… remembering to pray.

We live in a culture of doing. Measuring our self worth by a list of accomplishments and credentials. It is unfortunate that we do not give value to 'being'. Sitting in a quiet place where we can recharge our batteries, and 'tune in'. It is only in the present that we may access the presence of God. Where we may listen long enough to observe ourselves and see who we are. This disengagement from doing is difficult, A leap of faith if you will. Knowing you do not have to worry about that thing you might not finish, or what you will do about what happened yesterday.. Trusting that this moment is perfect right now, filled with all the possibilities of everything you could ever need. Saying to God, show me what needs to be done right now in this moment, trusting your answer, and going with it. When we feel we must justify our belief in God with physical evidence of his existence we become blinded to the magic of now. We loose our connection with faith and prayer.

We have been taught that we are separate from God, and we have believed it… As we searched for his specific location, we lost sight of his place inside or our hearts, inside our spirit. We cannot know God outside ourselves if we cannot know him inside. How absolutely amazing, beautiful and precious it is to hold that spark within us, embody it and become it. Available to us all. There are no rules of who may or may not hold this gift. We were born with it. We need only be willing to sit with ourselves, go inside and find it. With the spark of our intuition we have the means of accessing our personal connection with God at anytime… What a gift!

I think back to my grandmothers voice saying 'Giving it up to God" and you bet there was a time when I would have rolled my eyes… I would have gone on a patriarchal organized religion rant.. I would have talked about the loss of the Sacred Feminine or how organized religion has destroyed the holiness of the divine to its state of non-existence. Now I see all of that does not matter… It is my relationship with God and how I live it that matters. I see her wisdom. And though my method, my ceremony may be different, my prayers are the same.

The Gift of Nothing

2011-11-07T09:55:00.000-08:00

I am sitting on a ledge overlooking the glacier of the mountain Salcantay in the high Andes. I draw the energy up from the earth below me, breathing the elements into my body one at a time… earth, air, water, fire. I feel the strength and the solidity of the giant rock beneath me and I connect with its power. Grounding myself, calling myself forth, beckoning my soul. I reach up my hands Calling in the rays of the Sun, the breath of the Wind, the beauty of Creator and I breathe them too into my body, into my heart. I feel my Mother near me, and the ancestors that work through me. My spirit opens fully to the moment. I gaze through the eyes of my heart upon the Glacier, questioning… why am I here… why did I come..

It is my fifth trip to Peru, and the last week has been spent questioning the integrity of the Woman I have apprenticed with for the past 5 years. I have observed within her, darkness, revenge, mis-use of power, out right cursing someone and using sorcery. Truth be told I have seen these things in our past travels, yet I got caught in the story that She was being affected by the ‘dark forces’ out there, that wish to hold back the light of God. Now I am remembering what I always knew, that our real power comes from within our hearts, our connection with God. When we feel the need to prove, validate or step into righteousness, it is because we ourselves do not trust that. Our internal reality is mirrored and manifested in our external reality; we reap what we sow. If she is continually sharing stories of the ways in which she has had to demonstrate that she comes from the ‘right tradition’ teaching the ‘real’ teachings, passing on the only ‘real rites of passage’, what does that speak of? Does that not mirror a belief in scarcity, lack and Ego? It sure contradicts my belief in the abundance of our Mother Earth, and the many paths to Conscious evolution that I believe God has gifted us with. I do not believe that there is only one way or that I am the only one doing it right!

I know that I ordered these teachings up and that there is a big lesson in this for me. Fundamentally I am questioning why I thought I wanted to teach this tradition for so long… Why I chose not to see the Great Shadow of limitation it entails. I chose a mentor who still lives the paradigm of victim blame though she teaches of co-creation and personal responsibility. Perhaps I really wanted her to be who I thought she was, because as the winds of this mountain are blowing away the veils of darkness, I have only myself to look at. She is mirroring me, or she wouldn’t be here. So obviously I too hold that shadow of elitism in spiritual awakening. One that I see so well right now, and know it is time to lay it down.

Humbly I look deep into the glacier, tears in my eyes. I feel the Mountain responding… I pick up a white stone from alongside of me in anticipation of the message I feel coming. I feel Salcantay talking to me… I breathe in her essence, her winds, and her beauty… Her words to me are… ‘The greatest gift you will walk away here with is… NOTHING!’ I feel this immense sense of pure emptiness and space around me, enfolding me. I take the stone in my hand and begin to slowly transfer the energy lines that represent all medicine I have ever been connected with through this tradition into the stone. I take out my entire lineage, I take out all of the tools I have ever walked with, I take out my teacher, I take it ALL out… I blow into the stone any last shreds I may have missed…I feel FREE. Breathing the big nothing into my body, I start to laugh… in fact I can’t stop laughing… Every time I have come to Peru the Mountains have given me great gifts. I would go home excitedly thinking about the treasures they had given me, and how they added to my medicine bag. Now on the trip that is to be my last, I will leave with nothing! Heart felt joy enters the space where the lines of this tradition were held. I say out loud… ‘This is the best gift ever!’ and I mean it from my soul. I know that any medicine I am meant to walk with lives within my heart, the rest is unncessisary.

Upon my return home I was guided to physically lay down the medicine bundle I have walked with through this tradition and so it has returned to the earth. I am grateful for all that I learned in this tradition, and I see that one of my biggest teachings is learning how to walk away. I have cleaned and cleared house…

So here I am Sarah of Nothing…. Fully present, Fully grateful to be here, ready to ‘Re-inventing the Wheel….’

Tree Teachers

2011-11-01T20:01:00.000-07:00

In my yard there is a Fantastic Elm, who holds onto her leaves longer than all else, I have been talking with her much this past week, and noting the beauty of her stark yellow leaves against the brilliant prairie sky... Here is to her and all of our Tree Teachers... May they remind us of of the strength we carry in the depths of our bones, as the Seasons shift into Winter...

Here are some Tree poems I came across today, I thought I'd share...

Breath

by J. Daniel Beaudry

Tree, gather up my thoughts  like the clouds in your branches.

 Draw up my soul  like the waters in your root.  

In the arteries of your trunk  bring me together. 

Through your leaves  breathe out the sky.

SACRED TREE of LIFE
Sacred tree of life, teach us to root ourselves and walk in balance
Teach us to share our shelter, our food, our breath.
Teach us to bend, and have compassion and love for our brothers and sisters.
Teach us to be grateful for al the gifts we receive, and remind us to pray.
Teach us to stand tall and reach for Grand Father Sun.
Teach us to share and live as one.
Sacred tree of life thank you for all your wisdom and all life in which you provide.
-Running Elk Woman

I am a tree.. Stretching up.. Stretching out.. higher and higher I reach.
My roots are deep. I stand, knowing proudly they are where I have been. Storms come and I am tossed by unseen forces. They strengthen me, teaching me that I can survive. And there is calm. I am strong though I know that I have weakness - growing stronger with each season - with each storm-with each day of my life

-S.Workman

Morning Musings...

2011-10-31T08:25:00.000-07:00

Morning Song…

Its 815 am. Kids are off to school, there’s a roaring fire in the hearth, coffee is fresh… I sit here before the fire and I feel infinite! The deep magic of this time of day inspires me.. lifts me up, provides me with sustenance that I may draw from as the Sun moves across the horizon. I stare deep into the flames feeling my soul awakened.. I am part of the miracle of life, I AM the MIRACLE of life!

I write, I dream, I read…

Marianne Williamsons Illuminata hopped off the library shelf last week and into my awaiting arms.. . The book is almost 20 years old, yet I have never read it before. It is brilliant and I am savoring the process of tasting each chapter. Today’s favorite is…

“We are graduating to a new level of awareness, and with it shall come a new sense of oneness with each other and with God. We can, through continued and sincere devotional practice, transmute the world of material form. We shall bring it into harmony with the structures of the living light. We shall live from that light and become that light. What lies before us will one day be known as the Great Transformation of the Human Race….” (page 60)

As I read that I feel hope… energy tickles my spine and my neck and I feel excited to be living here on this earth. It feels good to remember that there are others out there whom continue to believe. That we may transmute the fear based culture we live in… That we may begin to SEE ourselves in each other… That we may transform and heal this earth… It makes me extra eager to be a part of that work!

May the beauty of those feelings remain in my heart throughout this day. As I mentally sort through the day-to-day work I need to get done and morning shifts from noon to night.. May my perspective remain in the infinite…

Now I turn to the giant list of possibilities I have dreamed up for the day…
~ complete new ceremony for West, Write premier for Parent Council about school closures, Make new recipe for muscle salve to sell at farmers market, finish text book for anatomy class, find face paint for kids, walk dogs, feed horses… email for Reiki class…

I assess it from this space that is infinite, AND I know it will most likely not be maintained throughout the day… Which is okay, that will be a new article on what happens at 4:10… when the kids get home, everyone wants something at the same time, supper must be made, evening chores done, drive to kids activities… We’re all tired… etc.

This is why I love the morning!

At the table

2011-10-28T19:56:00.000-07:00

Dinner table conversations at my house defy ‘normal’ decorum, offering up the medium from whence ‘need to know’ information is gathered and harvested…. The substance or Meat of our mental meanderings seems to depend most notably on who is present. Primarily whether or not Mark is home… When he is not my daughter’s feel at liberty to bring forth their greatest concerns about what it means to be in the process of becoming Women… (They don’t quite have teen at the end of their ages…. Yet this is the most exciting thing happening in their lives…. )

Now they are not always specific.. and will often allude to what it is they want to know…. See it’s not cool to want the information or let me know that I know that they want to know… They have learned through experience that if they ask outright there is a good chance I will answer, and this doesn’t keep with the rules of our game… So it is much better to pretend they don’t REALLY want to know, and see what I may tell them, so they can whisper its semantics in the darkness of night. Educating those younger than them at recess the next day…

We’ve covered periods, romance, body changes, masturbation, sex, gay marriage, as well as environmentalism, religion, compassion, morals, values, purpose, love, karma… God I love diner!

This week’s favorite given the time of the year has been monsters, demons and what happens when you die… These subjects are not privy to the usual rules of the game… Straight facts are wanted… Which of course they haven’t completely received…

‘Mom what are demons?’

“Well, we can create them ourselves with our thoughts, and our feelings, or they may be created from a cumulative force of evil”

“Monsters aren’t real right?” (my 6 year old)

“Well, yes they can be real, however all you have to do for them to disappear is look them in the eye.. Remember we never need to be scared of anything!”

“Mom could grandma Sheila be a spider?’

‘Yes she could be.. however I do not feel that she is… I asked her, she is right here…. “

Now when Mark IS home the context is slightly censored.. the topics a little more playful and light hearted… And I tend to cook a little more, so the MEAT is in the food rather than the conversation!

I welcome the WEST

2011-10-24T10:39:00.000-07:00

Its fall of 2011, I am stepping into Winter, I am stepping into death… I am stepping into the infinite darkness within myself…. The place where I hold my medicine, the space where I remember who God is…. Where I may call up the ancestors in the deep blue of midnight and see their reflections in the stars that mirror my eyes.

I grieve the fall of the light… I grieve the end of what was… and shall never be again. I see the beauty of the sunset in the splash of colors fall has created for me to remember…. Remember the light, and yet know that when it returns in spring, it will be different than before…. It will be new….. It will be renewed….. And we are one… I too shall be renewed..

I am facing death

I am facing loss

I am facing the West

I am alone on this path…. Alone as I move within… Alone as I navigate the unknown… Alone as I learn to use the senses God gave me… As I move through fear… As I remember I have never been alone.

I savor this death

Savor the details

The beauty

The transformation

As I lay to rest ideas of who I was, of who I thought I would be, the seeds for my potential have already been planted within … I remember this as I walk through the forest that surrounds my home… feet crunching on fallen leaves…. Every annual and perennial around me carrying the seeds of Springs light. Touching the buds on the Poplars and Aspen… a physical reminder that they will hold these buds through the coldest, darkest parts of winter… that winters death transforms them, awakens the life they hold within so they may burst open when the sap runs in the spring…. When the source of life is active…

Dormancy

Gestation

Entering the void

Sweet Sacred Feminine

For the past ten years I have worked with various teachers in Canada and the USA studying what may be known synonymously as energy healing, shamanism, earth based spirituality… etc. My journey has opened my heart and soul to all I love and all I can imagine… Filled with lessons, and learning ‘opportunities’ …. ( those are the ones, that I didn’t necessarily like initially, or roads that were hard to travel) . It has kicked my ass, (in a good way..) and shown me what I am made of… taught me to trust in my ability to go inside and find the answers. That when I am in good relationship with what lies within, I shall be in good relationship with what lies without….Healing truly is limitless...

And regardless of my commitment to personal growth and transformation, I am reminded regularly to Humbly recognize my shit, and that there IS always more…. There is not an enlightened gateway I will pass through (before my death anyway….) regardless of my time or dedication to spiritual teachings; that stipulates ‘Sarah is now beyond the need for shit…. She has graduated into a shitless experience….” And so I embrace my shit, especially when it manifests in a good death….In a new transformation… When it shows up in the West, as I prepare to move into the Dark, into the place of the feminine, into the place of internal power.

Preparing to share the teachings of the West in the Medicine Wheel program, for the first time as a Solo teacher of this medicine. Combining my training in living and teaching the Inca Medicine Wheel, with the teachings and medicine of this land. It is the beginning of a new chapter in my life, and I am thrilled to be here, to share with any who feel a connection. The teachings of the wheel are so simple, and readily available to all of us. As inhabitants of this earth plane we are part of this circle of life and therefore privy to the grace of its teachings… We see them mirrored to us in the cycle of every day and every season… They are in the songs of the wind, the call of the owl, the voices of our ancestors… We hold the wheel within ourselves…. It offers us integral life skills that may assist us in co-creating our greatest dreams… And the tools to bring them into form in the here and now....

May we each find the way that works for us to create the Sacred from the inside out....
Blessings,
Sarah

Transcending the Victim

2011-08-11T09:29:00.000-07:00

My healing journey has led me on pathways beyond my imagination, experiences I never thought possible. Interestingly enough I have always believed anything is possible…. However I have come to see that beliefs are easier to state than embody. Thankfully, Spirit always seems to catch me and see if I really do mean what I am saying….

In 1995 my Mother Sheila Salter was brutally murdered and raped by a Native Man by the name of Peter John Brighteyes. I wrote an article last year about my excitement in discovering that we really can heal anything, even murder, ('Liberating the Victim" as appeared in Mosaic Magazine May 2008) . Peter was a complete stranger who killed himself in jail after he was charged. Ten years later I learned how to create ceremony with him to free myself of this wound and any karmic attachment I had to him. I was in awe of learning how to liberate myself, how much support I had from Creator when I was willing to listen and be guided. Stepping beyond the pain of the circumstance and shifting my perspective to understanding the lessons I needed to learn. Finally being free of him, and the murder. Little did I know that our relationship was not ‘over’.

About a year after I had completed this ceremony and cut all cords in relation to Peter, he started to show up in my life warning me about situations or people that were not healthy for me. ( He was in spirit form) At first I was a little angry, I remember saying to him, "What the heck are you doing here…we're done!". He was unequivocally persistent. I felt hesitant and reserved. How could it be possible to welcome in the spirit of the man who killed my mother as a helper?!

He began to come more frequently and was always 100% in the information or help he offered. In fact he was so reliable that after awhile I couldn't ignore the consistency of his efforts or even the light he now carried. I began to listen to his story. He spoke of the woundedness of his people and his culture in this lifetime. He spoke of how he thought he, my mother, and I could help.

My background and training lie primarily in creating earth based ceremony to help people manifest personal healing. Teaching people to walk in balance with all their relations upon the pachamama (mother earth), being accountable and responsible for everything that each of us creates. Presently I am in training as a teacher of the Inca Medicine Wheel and it is through this tradition that I learned to move out of the victim/blame situation of murder into the path that I am now on. What Peter and my Mother have been asking me to do is bring my story of healing into our communities. The Native community he came from, as well as the one I grew up in.

Peter was born on the Saddle Lake reserve in Alberta. His childhood was filled with abuse and then he became the abuser. His story is not a pretty one. From torturing a guard at the Grand Prairie jail, to the heinous murder and rape of my mother he walked a path of shadow on this earth that I in no way excuse.

I could have spent my time after Mom died in blame of him, in blame of the Native community, his mother, family, teachers.. There are many places I could have directed my blame. This seemed pointless to me. The deep wounds of our Native Community belong to us all. Though we may have different cultures, we are not separate from each other, and we are all affected by the history of colonization and residential schooling. We can hold space for their wounds and honor the reality of their existence, listen to their stories. All over the globe our indigenous people live in the shadows. What does this say of the value that we give to those who live or have lived in close relationship with the earth; of our own relationship with the earth?

Healing is without race, holding certain ethics and universal truths. Each of us are the only ones who can take the initiative to heal ourselves, with the help of Creator. We may choose to walk in a place of power, or in a place of blame. We co-create our lives with Great Spirit every minute of every day, and it is through allowing for this co-creation that we may heal ourselves and in turn our communities and our world. Whether we are Native, or Caucasian, is irrelevant.

The cycle of blame only creates more victims and powerlessness. What would happen if we all learned to cut these cords. Grieve our wounds and be done with them. Release every ounce of anger, frustration, sadness and heal. These may be our wounds or the wounds of our ancestors. When we carry their wounds we are also binding them to this earth plane and to the perpetual cycle of blame. It is not easy, it is a choice to fully LIVE and participate in your life, or simply exist in your body.

Many of the emotions that came up for me in my initial ceremonies with Peter surprised the heck out of me. What was completely unexpected was the transformation to compassion. It was not my initial intent, and caught me way off guard. However the beauty of it is freedom and joy.

I am so used to having Peter around now that I forget it is an unusual circumstance. Next to my mother he is one of my most powerful allies and guides; I trust him impeccably. This is how Spirit showed me once again to embody what it is I believe. That anything IS possible!

It is my prayer that I may offer this story to any who finds them selves caught or stuck in a wound that feels helpless/hopeless. And that each may remember the infinite possibilities held within as well as the support that is available through prayer and action. We CAN free our selves from our pain and Transcend Victim.

Blessings,

Sarah Salter Kelly

Bought and Sold

2011-08-05T22:42:00.000-07:00

My adventures of exploration in the realm of spiritual enlightenment has gracefully shown me the shadows that accompany the light.… I have come to see how important it is to ask questions. How is it we decide who holds authority on spiritual wisdom, and why do we give them that role? Is it the soul loss permeating our culture that leads us to believe someone outside of ourselves can define our personal connection with spirit? And with that expectation what then do we assume of those that hold the power?

I had naively believed in a universal consensus amongst healers, that we all honoured that which is sacred in this world.( you know, an etheric gathering over tea, where we all said, "yeah I know this is about oneness.. about healing, I won't let my ego get in the way!") I suppose some may argue that sacred is a matter of perspective. However there are some universal truths that hold strong. Honesty and integrity are great examples.. I think they are also called a code of ethics… My naiveté brought me some great teachers, and provided me with opportunities to remove my rose colored glasses and observe what is going on around me. (Thank God!) I saw how important it is to consider, what is being bought, what is being sold…At what cost..

With an ache to understand who I am, and a desire to cast off any fears that stood in my way, I began the process of moving through the Inca Medicine wheel some two years past. It is there that I had the honour of meeting and training with Denise Kinch a medicine woman from MA. She trained personally with Don Manuel Quispe, Holy Man and Altomesayok of the Q'ero Indians of Peru. She teaches very differently from what we expect here in the west. She presents it as an offering. And if we choose all the tools are given to create our own healing. She will not hold your hand, fix it for you, or repeat what she has taught. Absolute presence is required…Though you may pay for the 3 day weekend, you cannot pay for the medicine. Choosing to become it means reweaving the fabric of your being, which takes time, and means doing your homework…..This is the Mountain Medicine of the Q'ero.

Don Manuel believed the healing of our world would come from the west. A way for us of the West to take responsibility for the current state of our planet. So he spent his life time training as many 'westerners' as possible. Denise was with him in his last conscious moment where he asked her to continue this important work and bequeathed her his lineage. The Q'ero come from the mountain Huaman Reaper and are known as the masters of energy medicine. The beauty of their tradition lies in its simplicity. They recognise that we are not separate from our environment and therefore may communicate with the stone people, plant people, tree people, mountains, stars and ancestors at any given time. We need only observe and listen. When we listen from our heart connected to spirit we see the brilliance of who we are. In that moment we have no need to look for any 'thing' to fix us, or fill us, as we 'are' everything we need..

This is an Oral tradition. We discipline our selves to be present and 'become' what we are learning rather than record it for future reference. Having faith that we will remember what is needed at the right time. Once we insist on writing everything down we attempt to quantify the limitlessness of spirit and in that moment we create limits. How come so many of us are seeking answers in heart based native traditions, only to turn around and make them into quantifiable western traditions that are all from the head? Our spirits are so hungry, yet in our quest to quantify we end up consuming ourselves. Our belief that spiritual enlightenment can be purchased has made room for many false prophets in our world. Our certainty that another will show us the right way to pray, to "be" in this world, has caused us to loose sight of our intuitive place of knowing. This is not for sale. We cannot buy it. We have to slow down, shut up and listen. Without worry, without fear.

As I learned to be still enough to allow who I am to unfold, I started to honestly observe my surroundings. Where I had once assumed that many teachers, and healers with 'power' had honed in on a relationship with spirit that I was not privy too; I saw instead that many of them were 'winging it'! Full of doubt! Yes, I had been the one who had put them on pedestals and made these assumptions. I had thought that books on the best sellers list at chapters was the spiritual doctorate required! Or Shaman on a business card was true. (why would someone lie?!) And though some I knew personally had not demonstrated who they were by HOW they lived their lives, I had made excuses for them. I had not wanted to see them. I also had not been willing to see the Market that spirituality is. Or perhaps my ego dictated that 'my' path was sacred and separate from the paths of exploitation.. Hahaha, joke was on me! As I integrated the process of the medicine wheel I saw that there are no excuses. We all have everything we want. We've created it, conscious or not. Be it Drama or suffering, peace or bliss. Own it!

Don Manuel asked us to look closely at our teachers, and those who are leaders in this world. How they walk in their personal lives is the only way to observe what is real. What is their relationship with their family, their partners, their communities, their work?…Do they embody who they say they are?.. Talk is cheap.

In Peru there are not many Q'ero learning the mountain medicine anymore. They are hungry for what we have in the west. Funny how that works. Yet we will buy anything, so we are sold variations of their traditions, half invented by western shaman and called whatever they feel like calling it at the time, as we will believe and we will pay. Why do we do that? Q'ero are hired to perform healing ceremonies as real 'legitimate' medicine people and we assume that their clothes and their language authenticate the experience. No questions asked. ASK QUESTIONS!!! Use your ability to observe! Ask your self about ceremony, what is it for and what purpose does it serve. Especially if you are participating in it!! To a medicine person, this is a sacred thing not to be taken lightly, not to be done for show… It is an elder who's lifetime's dedication gives him the ability to call the winds, to serve the Ayllu (community). How old are these Q'ero Medicine People…?

In my heart I needed to honour the gifts of this medicine by connecting with it's country. As an apprenticing teacher, an etheric understanding is not enough for me. If I want to embody it, I have to have breathed it in from the soil of its birth, bathed in the waters of it's rivers and walked next to the stars in the mountains of its ancestors. We have chosen a human, physical incarnation for a reason. And this is Mountain Medicine. When I participated in ceremony on the mountain of Ausangate with Don Manuels son, I was able to see a fraction of what it means to be a mountain person. When I walked with him on the mountain and sat with him by our Llama poo fire, again I saw a glimpse of what it truly means.… And this is only a glimpse.

So this brings me to the question, can someone be teaching and offering an indigenous tradition when they have not physically connected with that land. Is it possible? As teachers we need to ask ourselves what our agenda is, and what is it we think we are 'selling'. As students we need to ask ourselves what we are 'buying'. Are we hooked by a great sales pitch, or by our personal hunger…? Is our need to be healed once again consuming us….Are we allowing ourselves to be bought and sold? What is your price?

Vital Signs

2011-08-02T11:11:00.000-07:00

Our emotional body creates the tapestry of our earth experience. Each colour a vital sign of our joy, laughter, blessings, as well as our sadness, grief and pain…. As we gaze upon this fabric we have the opportunity to see our darkness as well as our light. Our most endearing AND our most painful experience's bear the fruit of our creativity, passion, and wisdom. The keys that unlock the secrets of our soul are found in those moments where we are reminded of what we truly value in this lifetime…

It's february and I am sitting in the hospital with my sister and my husband watching the monitors hooked up to my Father. He has just had a heart surgery with every form of complication fathomable. Heavily sedated he is unconscious, intubated, heart monitor, pacemaker, blood pressure….. It looks like every machine they own is hooked up to him. We gaze vigilantly at his vital signs…. waiting 36 hours for him to 'come out of the dark'. Listening to the news from Doctors and Nurses as they translate to us the language of these machines, the news shifting its weight in our own hearts. We advocate for him through the beeps and bleeps of monitors, singing him songs, telling him jokes… having faith that he is in there somewhere to hear us. This Man who means the world to us. Who we treasure and love as our father; the tenacious, vibrant spirit he carries within this body that is on the threshold of death. All that matters is this moment, Dad's vital signs, his signs of life….

3 days later I come home from the hospital. Dad is still in the ICU, however he is on the mend.

I am adjusting to the frequency of my home. Having been gone for 3 days everyone is eager to see me, and my house reflects my absence. I take a moment to absorb my home, breathing in the details. Socks on the floor, toothpaste on bathroom mirror, hair in the sink, Milk on the counter…. There are days when these details grate on my nerves, driving me insane. Today I cherish them. Today I leave the hair in the sink, I don't wash the mirror or pick up the socks… ( I put away the milk!) Instead I observe them from a place of reverence. Noticing how comparable these vital signs of my home are to those I monitored within the hospital. The ones that showed us Dad was breathing and alive. Each beep and bleep spoke to us, saying ' I AM here' In my life, in my home these vitals signs are demonstrated in the physical trails that lead to those I love. The evidence that marks the space, that signifies 'I was here' (socks on floor, age 10) 'I was here' (toothpaste on mirror, age 5) 'I was here' ( milk on counter, debate between 10 and 43!), I AM alive. These are the colours of the people on the weft and warp of my loom, that make up the blessed fibres of my personal tapestry.

Each of us may make note of this pattern, May remark with humbleness the wealth of our material. Allowing ourselves to feel the beauty of our existence and appreciate those who add their presence to it each day. Rejoice in the colours and textures of our lives. These are our personal Vital Signs, our signs of life….

p.s.- My father is in full recovery.

Midnight Musings on Aspens and Parenting...

2011-07-29T00:11:00.000-07:00

There's a sweet summer wind tousling my hair, calling me outside... Reminding me that I have much to be grateful for... The magic of this body that holds my spirit... The engagement of my senses as I experience this earth... Be it the beauty of this summer eve, the whispering of the Aspens... The rich scent of the earth, the breath in my lungs... I AM ALIVE!!!

Each moment I experience holds a gift... sometimes it may be harder to find than in the music of this silent evening.. Like when all three of my children are fighting... or forgetting that their stuff doesn't need to be left all over the floor... Yet those moments too hold grace... Perhaps it is in the teaching opportunities...

I often think about that... About how if we can raise our children to navigate healthy conflict resolution, we can change the world... That in the wee power structures of our families there lies a mirror of our global collective.... Imagine what could happen in 20 years if all of these children learned how to use there power wisely.. without manipulation or force...

So sometimes I teach them gracefully... other times I simply throw their stuff in the garbage... I am in full recognition of my humanness...

For tonight I will let the Aspens sing me to sleep... recharging me to face another day... Blessing my Dreams,

Good night!

Dancing Home

2011-07-24T18:27:00.000-07:00

I am dancing outside… hawks circling overhead, sweetness of poplar resin in the air, prairie breeze filled with the ripeness of spring… It is an old dance; an ancient dance… one that is new to me, though my body responds with familiarity… the steady beat of the drums moving me deep inside myself, the smell of tobacco and sweetgrass….

I feel my mother move with me in time, her spirit drawn to the ceremony…. I feel Peters spirit with me, the man who killed my mother years ago… the dance changes for me, the intent becomes clear, I dance him home, I dance him back to his people, I dance him into the embrace of his culture… a space he never knew in this life time. The tears begin to move down my cheeks… I cry for her, for the Mother I lost 16 years ago. I cry for him, for Peter, I cry for his people, the pain, the loss, the lack of justice, the corruption, colonization, residential schools, for all that the Cree and the indigenous people across the world have experienced… Cleansed by the waters of my tears, my feet, my body guided by something greater than I can fathom.

The singing stops as a chanupa is passed before the men. I sit near a woman I had spoken with earlier in the week. She tells me of some loved ones she has recently lost. She tells me this dance, this ceremony, is a way of honoring those who have crossed over. I smile at her, and tell her that makes sense to me. As I prepare to leave, she tells me that next time I come she would like to trade stories with me… I tell her I would love to share. I felt such warmth here, humor and lightheartedness from a group of strangers…

I came to the Blue Quill Cultural gathering on an invitation by former chief Eric Large of the Saddlelake Reserve. We met in the fall, as I pursued my drive to learn where Peter Brighteyes had come from; and what conditions had influenced who he was in this lifetime. Eric was appointed by Chief and Council to work with me. I had the privilege of sitting in the residential schools healing tipi, over the 4-day period. Though I shared my own story of healing murder, mostly I listened. I listened to the elders; a few whom open heartedly shared their experiences in residential school and growing up on the reserve. Of younger people who faced the hardship of growing up with parents who did not know how to parent. Stories of rape, abuse, addiction, shame, death, and suicide. I listened to people speak of the need to move out of the victim blame cycle, take responsibility for their lives, and then the shear magnitude of wounds that need healing. I listened to people talk of the apology from Steven Harper; the pros and cons of the money received by former students of residential schools. The difficulties facing this nation… I was given much with these words, these stories to think about… to consider.

I’ve always believed we can heal anything. Yet I see my approach comes from a relatively privileged perspective. Yes my Mother (Sheila Salter) was murdered, however I grew up in a family, and community that was not dealing with day-to-day despair. Here we have a community where the healing needs to happen on every collective level.

Sure we’ve heard these stories before, yet have we ever listened? Hundreds of thousands of people were affected by residential schools and colonization, with few ever voicing said atrocities out loud. SO imagine for a moment… your children being taken from you at age 5, not being able to speak your own language, your spiritual ceremonies out lawed, being molested, beaten, abused, your food source taken away, your water source polluted, your ability to be self sufficient, the viability of your community gone. Then given some land (then half of it taken back…) and told to live like the alien dominant culture and blamed for any of the problems you have in assimilating!!!! And still to this day treated like a ‘dumb Indian’… This has gone on for over a 100 years! And this is only a small piece of the whole picture….

This is what influenced Peter’s life. This is what sowed the seeds that led to murdering my mother….

Yet no matter how many times the stories are told they still seem to land on deaf ears in our Western culture, with a continuous attitude of ‘they’ need to get over it, and assimilate, ‘be normal… like US.’ Sorry that doesn’t solve the god damn problem! In fact, has that way of thinking ever solved a problem… really? Has it? Think about it! Has Ego based force ever worked…? Look at our world!

Money payouts from the TRC are not going to end the soul loss and the pain. Those that caused the wrongs are mostly dead. So any apology that comes in the form of words and not action cannot create restoration or justice. The government shafting has continued from day one. So that is not the source of the balm that will heal these wounds.

Abuse, addiction and violence are symptoms of cultural decimation. Of the wounds and atrocities faced. They are not something that simply goes away or one gets over… We do not ‘get over’ our wounds. We CAN learn how to make medicine from them when we believe in ourselves and are shown how, when we realize we have the power within ourselves to do so… Yet how does one who has grown up under such conditions find the confidence or the support to create this?

Perhaps the solution feels so intangible as it is New… It lays in a new paradigm of consciousness… a new way of healing and thinking… One that can be found when each and everyone of us regardless of nation, gender, or skin color can honor each others potential. Where we can celebrate our differences as the magnificent colors placed in the fabric of our lives by Creator... Where we can hear each other without needing to fix or change each other… Where there is belief in everyone’s capacity for healing, even one who has murdered, is the abused, abusing, or is in the depths of addiction… Where we are not held by absolutes or blame. Where we as humans do not limit the Dance of life Creator has gifted us with.

This is the place where each of us may Dance our way home. I pray we may we do it sooner than Peter, so that sweet prairie breeze may be felt in this lifetime… May it happen before there are more deaths, more suicide, may hope be found.

This article will be appearing in the August 1st issue of Violet Ray magazine.

Dance of Duality

2011-05-31T22:15:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking….

Thinking about the rules of mindful living, the rules of healthy lifestyle. These illusive rules that may keep one trapped in ideas of perfection… limiting ones authentic nature in an attempt to fit into containers created by others. Rules that cultivate judgment of behavior and action, that stipulate the need for approval by an outside source in order to trust legitimacy. You know the ones in your head that pull you out of your heart seeking external validation and or approval for who you are, for what your do, for what you believe in...

‘At the core of all true teachings exists one constant variable, LOVE.’

What if there are no rules aside from Love… Aside from loving yourself up inclusive of your duality, your contradictions; and appreciating their unique flavor. When we are moved to feel guilty for aspects of our being we create great shame within ourselves that feeds our darkness; and the collective darkness. If we are willing to accept those aspects of ourselves instead of ‘trying’ to ‘make’ them match up with our light, we may step into a greater capacity for living in the light! Remembering that accepting does not mean engaging or actioning our darkness…. It does mean that we honor it and consciously choose what to do with it…. Taking responsibility for all of those choices. Good or Bad... (As there really is no good or bad...)

Many attempt to hide these pieces of themselves, afraid that if someone ‘sees’ them and ‘knows’ who they truly are they will believe them to be unworthy. In fact they are often hiding from themselves. Not realizing that the more energy put into hiding, the greater power those aspects of shadow hold. And so rather than learning how to fully step into the beauty of their lives, they exist on the outskirts… Limiting their potential from fear of their darkness or what someone else will think of it.

The fact is that people will judge you and some will call you down when you are honest about whom you are inclusive of your duality. So what!!! We cannot let this fear of judgment keep us from participating in our lives. If each of us can accept ourselves for who we are, for our own authenticity, then that need for the outside authority dissipates. Perhaps then we will be drawn to celebrate and Dance our darkness into the light!

Those are all my thoughts for this evening…. Now it is time to dance!

Ranting's

2011-05-09T18:25:00.000-07:00

We need to be willing to be the seed in the centre of the storm, become our true north regardless of the chaos going on around us. Yes it is easy to find peace when we are in control of all of the variables, when we can light a candle, sit in silence, play some new age music. However we ARE NOT truly in control, and never have been. And lets face it, most of the time there is LOTS going on around us; this is called life. We cannot always set the stage of our personal enlightenment, however we co-write the script. We CAN learn how to be in centered, regardless of what is going on around us.

So how do we do that? How do we hold that seed of power, of 'being' within ourselves at all times? Regardless of circumstance, outside influences, or a piano almost falling on our heads? When kids are screaming, work is full of deadlines, a relationship or marriage is struggling, an earthquake hits.... When our daily media is propagating fear faster than bunnies can mate... How does one maintain Zen?

What if we considered that everything happening in our life IS happening for a reason, even when it is horribly traumatic and painful. Even when it seems to be one day of chaos after another; or perpetual struggle. There is something to learn from all of our experiences. If we stop inside of ourselves and see this, holding space for that possibility we begin to claim the seeds of our own power. So rather than be a victim circumstance we may gravitate to a place of power in honouring all of our lives lessons. Seeing that the ebb and flow of our lives offer a rhythm that may mark the tide of our personal calm. This shifts our perspective so that we no longer view the chaos as chaos... the trauma as traumatic... We begin to grow our 'Zen nature'....

I invite you to allow the winds of change to blow over you, to feel them, to sense them, rather than let them blow you away. Allow the waters of your emotions to flow through you and feel... Without the need to block or redirect the flow... and in this way you may become that seed in the eye of the storm... Elevating our Collective Consciousness to one that may withstand fear & darkness... That may grow the seeds of the times to come...

Race of Death

2011-04-23T08:24:00.003-07:00

There is a village of Geese flying over me. I wander what it would be like to exist within their community. Collectively collaborating as they navigate the Winds. Powered by instinct and relationship. No rushing to be first, no struggle over who shall be the leader, as each role is shared… No worry about what will happen next, just the simple movement of wings on wind.

It makes me wonder about us Humans. We too are nature. Yet we are the only species who have forgotten collective collaboration and are driven by ‘Self-ness, our Ego’… Driven to the point where we rush through our lives, victim of our thoughts, our ideas of limitation and what we need to worry about next.

You never see an animal rushing through it’s day unless it’s instinctually moved for fear of survival. Recognizing it’s life is in danger.

So what are we stalked by? Is it our fear of death…? What do we think will catch up with us? Is it the debts we owe, the people we are obligated too… or does it run deeper than that. Are we afraid that if we slow down we may be caught in seeing who we really are, and not like what we see? Or that another may sees us; May smell our woundedness, our shadows, what we believe we are lacking…

I think we are the only beast that runs from it’s own reflection.

This dance of ‘Self-ness, of Ego’ keeps us from experiencing presence; knowing our nature, our instincts. The irony of it is that as we race, as we run, we already are caught. If we could surrender to who we are, accepting ourselves inclusive of all our duality we may then know our beauty, our part of the Greater Picture on this earth. We may learn to ride the winds together.

Liberating the Victim

2011-04-18T20:44:00.000-07:00

Here lays an old Story.... one some of you have heard and perhaps read before... Yet in my current exploration of Restorative Justice, I have been lead to remember my own path... With the New Medicine Wheel coming up in June, I wanted to share the life changing effects it created for me.... The transformation from woundedness to power & freedom.

Liberating the Victim

For Sheila

On a cold winters morning in December of 1995 my mother was attacked in the parking garage of her work. Her throat was slit, she was raped, and her body was driven out of town to be tossed in an abandoned farmhouse where it was not to be found for 11 days. Our family navigated through completely foreign territory. Waking up each morning, getting ready for Christmas not knowing where she was, if she was alive, dead or in pain? The city grieved with us, people searched the river valley for her body, sold white ribbons to symbolize that violence against woman has got to stop, we saw the beauty of humanity through the unspeakable horror.

I was 20 at the time. Old enough that I could call her on her "stuff' and young enough that I needed to hear her voice when I was down. She was a powerful teacher for me and I was stuck in what I saw as the contradiction of all that she had ever taught. The idea of "If I believe I am safe, so I am" disintegrated along with midnight walks through river valley and ravines. My faith crumbled. She had always said there's a reason for everything. How could there be a reason for murder? I was angry, confused, and devastated.

Through extensive media and trial I felt I was turned into a victim. This did not sit right with me. I had been brought up breathing transformational medicine. Participating in communications, life skills workshops as a teen and a young woman. I did not have victim in my vocabulary, It would have been one of the words that I was not allowed to use as a child along with should, never, try, but, etc! Here I was now, a victim of homicide.

My healing processes lead me to marrying my true love and becoming a mother myself. As I learned how to mother I learned how to heal. I used the tools I knew to create my own healing. I visualized, I did voice dialogue, I created ceremonies, all along questioning my mothers voice in my head that said "Remember Sarah, there are no accidents" Your wrong, I thought, you got murdered!

I remember another lesson she had taught me about choice. How we choose everything, our lives, partners, jobs, families etc. I was 8 at the time and angry with her. As I fired away my certainty that she was to blame for my circumstance, She said, 'don't blame me, you chose to be born into this family!' I remember being totally dumbfounded, what do you mean I chose us? Then I grasped in my 8 year old mind the possibilities of this. The Power of it. Through the years the concept of choice has always been close at hand. How could I know this AND know that people can kill you?

My determination to find peace was paying off. I came to see that she had lived a whole 42 years that were not tainted by murder. I began to remember who she was and what the purpose of our relationship had been. In my understanding I was able to find the 'thread' of our relationship and realize it had never been severed. I became aware that death does not separate us from spirit. I came to know that how we leave this earth might act as a vehicle for light and healing. I could see through my mothers eyes that she was fine and I knew it to be true.

I still felt stuck. Where my power, freedom, liberation?

I knew I needed to talk to the man who killed her, for him to know me, for me to know him.

I saw that we had a karmic relationship that could be healed. I felt powerful in knowing I could do something. Previously when I had used force to keep his image from my mind it had NOT worked, I was ready to do something new. I prayed for guidance and created ceremony. Journeying in sacred space, through the four directions, I asked the spirit of this man to be present. He had been a stranger and had died in jail so this was the only way I knew how to communicate with him. My plan was to sit with him and tell him how I felt about what happened. For over eight months I did this and I learned many things. Many things I had not expected to know or see. With absolute humbleness I saw that we are not different from each other, we have made different choices. I could be him, he could be me. My heart filled with compassion and understanding. I did not know how to sit with this feeling. How could I feel love for this man? For a murderer?

At this time I felt like I needed some help in understanding what I was learning. Some structure to bring my knowledge into form. I became a student of the Inca Medicine wheel as taught by Denise Kinch. All of a sudden I could see why I had needed to sit with this man in sacred space and how important it was to forgive him. Completely, without any limitations or attachment. I learned that this act freed us both. I saw too that he had been a big teacher for me, and I am thankful for this.

Now I had it, my Power, my freedom, my liberation!

My understanding deepened and I considered again the concept of choice. If we choose everything and there are no accidents then could it be possible that my mother chose to be murdered? There is no such thing as a victim. Those circumstances can provide us with opportunities to evolve. (myself and her) That our fears are really tools for transformation. To truly learn from them we cannot allow ourselves to be bound by our stories. When we see beyond the limitations of this human form, we see the truth of who we are becoming. It is my belief that I am responsible for everything in my life. As a victim, I had no power. I had given it away in the assumption that I must not have any. When I refused to be a victim anymore I found my power and learned how to create the ceremony I needed to heal.

Mom being murdered has been the catalyst of my personal evolution, and yes a gift. I know she is here with me as I write this, delighted at how socially incorrect that statement may seem. That murder can be a gift. As a woman I have been able to find peace and heal what I saw as the defiling of the sacred feminine. As a mother I honour all the time with my children and the gift that they chose me! I know that anything can happen in the present moment so this is where I choose to be. I have learned that we are really all one. Each of us is part of the whole, with as much capacity for light as darkness. We all make choices everyday and are responsible for those choices. I pray that I may wield my own power in recognition of this balance each day. I am very humble in my understanding of this experience and thankful for all the guidance I have received. I am especially grateful for the teachings of the Inca Medicine. It is the vessel that brings who I am into form, and the base for my own medicine.

The affirmation on my mother's bathroom mirror at the time of her death read

I forgive myself

I forgive everyone

I am Free!

First appeared in Mosaic Magazine Summer issue 2008

Sustenance of Sustainable Communities

2011-04-13T07:41:00.000-07:00

'The Circle, the round, the council, the community….'

We are living in a time where many of us are seeking alternate solutions to the power structures that have governed us for so long. These structures may be the institutions running our country or our own personal beliefs; they are one and the same…. Yet in this search for Sustenance… for Sustainable communities, I have noticed a trend towards cultivating separate 'pods' of 'communities'. (particularly in the 'organic, new age' realm) Places in which those who share a similar vision may co-exist away from the diverse existence of mainstream reality.

I think that there is a big problem with this. How can we evolve locally and globally if we are only willing to do it within the parameters of safe spaces where everyone thinks and acts the same? If we do not challenge our selves to build relationships with neighbours and people who hold different beliefs than we do? In the Quechua language of Peru there are two words used to define healthy communities. One is Ayllu which means the collective force of the community is greater than the sum of the individual parts. Ayni is the other, which means existing in a state of reciprocity within the realms of your given community ( and yourself, and All your relations… ) It doesn't mean everyone needs to like each other or always agree with each other. It Does mean that People may learn to walk in balance with each other.

Separatist thinking assumes the belief that those who do not see the world as we do or adhere to our principles are not worth learning from. This way of thinking is often derived from the Ego based assumption and illusion that there is only one way… ( to think, live, eat, pray..) Ironic isn't it that our supposed organic new age communities are mirroring the same problems that they are trying to get away from.

If we are willing to treasure the multitude of values, customs and beliefs that exist within any general community we have a viable opportunity to evolve. It is not necessary for us to all live and act in the same way. In fact it limits our collective wisdom. Yet Collectively we may evolve when we are willing to honour each other for our differences, and be open to the expansion of our own individual perspectives.

What is the Sustenance we wish to feed our world. At what level do we wish to be Sustainable?

It is up to us where we set the bar.

If we are to move into a place where we invite in the power of the circle as a teacher and facilitator for community governance we need to remember that it means the synergistic blend of the whole….

How high do you set the bar?

sustainable |səˈstānəbəl|

adjective

able to be maintained at a certain rate or level : sustainable fusion reactions.

• Ecology (esp. of development, exploitation, or agriculture) conserving an ecological balance by avoiding depletion of natural resources.

• able to be upheld or defended : sustainable definitions of good educational practice.

sustenance |ˈsəstənəns|

noun

food and drink regarded as a source of strength; nourishment : poor rural economies turned to potatoes for sustenance.

• the maintaining of someone or something in life or existence : he kept two or three cows for the sustenance of his family | the sustenance of democracy.

ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French soustenance, from the verb soustenir (see sustain ).

Ranting's

2011-04-10T21:33:00.000-07:00

We are an integral component of the world around us, comprised of what we are in relationship with; Be this our internal universe or our external universe. (ie, our Earth) If we choose to come into balance with all we carry within ourselves we will actually have the power and the ability to make a real difference in healing the world around us. For it is not our earth that needs to heal, it is US.

How may we own this? How may we truly Steward this? When we choose to hold onto, unhealthy beliefs, judgements, lifestyles we pollute, dilute and make waste of the world around us. Yet many of us call ourselves stewards of the earth. What does that truly mean? And how may each of us walk it everyday. Whether one lives out in the middle of the bush or in downtown Edmonton is irrelevant. Our capacity to love ourselves, and those around us, our capacity to be willing to move beyond the fears and insecurities that we carry, our willingness to take risks, to 'put ourselves out there' and advocate for peace makes the difference. This means willingness to look at our own darkness, willingness to acknowledge that what is permeating our culture and the social structures/politics of the world around us is also carried within ourselves. WE are a collective. And collectively we may heal.

There is no experience that we have had that is to great or too painful to be healed. And when we choose to catalyse this healing in our lives, the universe responds by offering us all the tools we need to get there. I discovered this first hand when I learned how to heal the murder of my mother, inclusive of forgiveness for the one whom had killed her.

I am a Warrior of Freedom. I cannot allow myself to be bound by anything at anytime. This includes beliefs, ideas, events, people etc. Why is it, that so many are willing to accept this binding, to choose victimization over self empowerment?

Each of us may make the choices to heal ourselves and discover freedom with in. If we are to do this we may begin to see it in our world. What does this mean? It means any beliefs you have about being a victim or about life dealing you a poor hand are a complete illusion.

We can't control all of the circumstances that show up in our life. We CAN choose to learn from them. We CAN choose how we react and/or engage in them. We CAN choose to take response-ability for our lives and our world

Now is the time to WAKE UP!

Confessions...

2011-04-03T21:17:00.000-07:00

I'll admit it, I became my first follower. Now it was really a matter of figuring out how to work this whole blog business, something of which I am relatively naive in nature! I am new at this and honestly have not ventured far into the abyss of cyber space exploring others blogs. So a slight conundrum.... And perhaps a perfect metaphor for my life. Jumping into the unknown, trusting I'll figure it out when I get there. Or alternately landing on my ass and laughing really hard at myself once I clean the dirt out of my wounds. (Probably sharing a few profanities first...)
I have some intensely heated subjects I want to put out there into this universe of blog... So perhaps another confession is that I have an agenda. I want to speak to the need to action the changes we desire on our earth. The need for people to stop blaming another for the circumstances of their lives... To literally 'Shut - Up'... Be silent long enough to hear what we sound like from the inside out. Hear the direction our thoughts lead us and recognize that we are the ones who may control their course of action. Hold Compassion for ourselves, not feel sorry for ourselves. This life we have, this earth we live on is a gift. Who is willing to receive it? Which of you are willing to accept it? Whom will walk it? And mostly who will have the courage to share it?

Morning Musings...

2011-04-03T10:51:00.000-07:00

Question, reform, reshape, redefine...

Follow each thread that glimmers like Quicksilver,

Allowing for Brilliance

Beyond my conception

My pen, my voice,

Words tracking the trail

Luminous Web of Destiny

Awakening

Opening

The Heavens reaching within me

As I within them

Seeking the stars of my being

Our essence a mirror of the other

Dark within Light, Light within Dark

Rainbow Weaver

Dream Healer

Collective dance of relationship

A remembering of who we are.